First and foremost - I don't want to share. Selfish I know. I don't want to share with my husband, my mom, my in-laws, anyone. I want this baby all to myself. I've had him for 9 months exclusively and I am just not ready to give that up. I'm sure that'll change at 3 am when he needs a change and/or feeding, but for now, he's mine and I don't want anyone to play with him.
Secondly - Am I ready for this? I am so unprepared!
and Finally - What am I supposed to do with him while he's here? I've never really actually been around a newborn. Usually most babies I come into contact with are a few months old. This one is mine, and brand new, and he scares the crap out of me.
I always figured, with all my fertility "issues" that I would end up adopting. And I wanted to adopt a toddler, the fun age. Babies are intimidating. Last night the butterflies started. I was lying there, listening to Phil snore, feeling Nicholas kick a little and started feeling nervous and ready to cry. I am a basket case!
We've been working on the final touches of babydom. Washing his clothes, picking out coming home outfits, cleaning bedding and putting the crib spring in upside down (my fault I thought it was sitting too low without the mattress). The more I look around the more I think, "There's so much to do!" however my back and giant, swollen feet are not allowing any amnesty. It'll be nice to have my body back as my own. To be able to sleep on my stomach and back and get off the couch easily, roll over with ease. Just be able to be a mobile person. I'm not looking forward to having to lose all the weight I've gained. I feel gross and the scale just depresses me. I'm hoping I can lose it quickly and safely, although I have been advised no dieting while breastfeeding. Stupid rule. But healthy for the little guy. All I know is no potatoes, sweets or sodas after the little man gets here. Mama can't afford another new wardrobe!
3 Days till the light at the end of the tunnel. Next stop: The Parenthood Chronicles - The First Year!