Less than 2 weeks left to go! The Dr's have said that they will be taking Nicholas out no later than 39 weeks! Maybe even as early as 38. I'm so ready. I'm plagued by a million feelings though. Nervousness- a given. But more than that all of a sudden I am wondering if I really want and am ready for this. Of course I WANT him, but I'm terrified at the new responsibility and realization that my life is indeed changed. I can't go spur of the moment to LA to hit Disneyland for the day, or decide at 10 pm that I want to go to the nearest PT's and play pool while drowning a few lemon drops. There's going to be a little person that is going to take up all my thoughts and time. Of course then I start wondering if I'm too selfish to be a parent? All I can think about is what I'm giving up....what about what I'm getting in return? As I've said, I have a myriad of emotions that are creeping up these last couple weeks and I am starting to doubt myself. Hopefully it's just stage fright and it'll pass once the curtains rise (legs spread).
I am really looking forward to getting some semblance of life back. Like the ability to get off my bed in a dignified way, and stand up like I'm not about to drop something. Oh and not to mention all the other small things: less heartburn, sleeping on my back and stomach, breathing..... Pregnancy is seriously no joke. I miss my ankles. I look down and just think "Meg Griffin" and shudder. I spent a good amount of time starving myself on HCG, enduring injections daily, and feeling exhausted just to lose 70 pounds, and I feel like I've gotten all of it back. I'm ravenous constantly and Lord knows, I never want a freakin salad. I want hot dogs, and fried foods and ice cream. And more ice cream. And sometimes just a pint of ice cream. I've tried to be good. I really have but I can't win all my internal battles, so this past weekend my brother asked if we lived in a snack bar since dinner for two nights were hot dogs, french fries and nachos. I'm ashamed that I just wrote that!
Oh well! 1 week 6 days left!!! (hopefully......)
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