Less than 2 weeks left to go! The Dr's have said that they will be taking Nicholas out no later than 39 weeks! Maybe even as early as 38. I'm so ready. I'm plagued by a million feelings though. Nervousness- a given. But more than that all of a sudden I am wondering if I really want and am ready for this. Of course I WANT him, but I'm terrified at the new responsibility and realization that my life is indeed changed. I can't go spur of the moment to LA to hit Disneyland for the day, or decide at 10 pm that I want to go to the nearest PT's and play pool while drowning a few lemon drops. There's going to be a little person that is going to take up all my thoughts and time. Of course then I start wondering if I'm too selfish to be a parent? All I can think about is what I'm giving up....what about what I'm getting in return? As I've said, I have a myriad of emotions that are creeping up these last couple weeks and I am starting to doubt myself. Hopefully it's just stage fright and it'll pass once the curtains rise (legs spread).
I am really looking forward to getting some semblance of life back. Like the ability to get off my bed in a dignified way, and stand up like I'm not about to drop something. Oh and not to mention all the other small things: less heartburn, sleeping on my back and stomach, breathing..... Pregnancy is seriously no joke. I miss my ankles. I look down and just think "Meg Griffin" and shudder. I spent a good amount of time starving myself on HCG, enduring injections daily, and feeling exhausted just to lose 70 pounds, and I feel like I've gotten all of it back. I'm ravenous constantly and Lord knows, I never want a freakin salad. I want hot dogs, and fried foods and ice cream. And more ice cream. And sometimes just a pint of ice cream. I've tried to be good. I really have but I can't win all my internal battles, so this past weekend my brother asked if we lived in a snack bar since dinner for two nights were hot dogs, french fries and nachos. I'm ashamed that I just wrote that!
Oh well! 1 week 6 days left!!! (hopefully......)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
34 Weeks (or close to 35....)
I'm getting so close I can taste it. At this point I don't care how he gets out, I'm just ready for him to make his exit out of me/entrance into the world. I feel grumpy, hungry, irritable, and I'm in constant pain. I'm so done being pregnant. Between Nicholas keeping his head on my pubic bone for the last 3 weeks and my interstitial cystitis killing me I feel like someone has jammed a hunting knife in my girly parts. Then of course all the great other aches and pains, back & legs. My tolerance level is waning.
I can't really remember much right now, which is crazy. I realized yesterday that I haven't paid a few bills since March. That was a not so fun stressor. On top of that my husband has gotten weirdly protective and possessive, which are two things that he is not. He's usually Mr. Passive Aggressive, but lately he's been like a pit bull ready to tear at anyone who upsets me. I'm usually one to fight my own battles, but I think that pregnancy makes me a whiny bitch. I hope that both aspects of each individual personality fade after our son gets here. I miss my laid back husband, and I miss being able to have confrontations without crying. That's more than likely the cause of all his testosterone-fused anger lately. I cry. At everything. For example my mother and I get into heated battles all the time. It's been happening since I was a teenager. She blames hormones, I blame bitchiness, and eventually it cools off. Now he feels like he has to bat for me, which I appreciate because she is not the easiest of people to get along with all the time. I finally asked him if he hated her or disliked her due to how angry he was getting. His response "No I don't hate her. She frustrates the hell out of me. She's a nice lady, has good values. Hell, most of the time I really respect the fuck out of her. But she's making you cry, and I don't like it." And so the mother in law/son in law battle has finally hit. Which neither really care that it's stressing me out. When I'm not pregnant they have a great relationship, joke around, hang out. But now it feels like war. I'm hoping this goes away once Nicholas arrives, but realistically I think it's just going to get worse. Oh well, as Phil said the other night "At least I had 5 years of peace with your mom before it fell apart". Hurts me though since they are both such huge parts of my life.
The other news is that I have a giant baby growing. He's already almost 6 pounds with a little over 5 weeks left to go. The dr told me at my last appointment if he gets to 9 pounds I better think about how I want him to come cause he'll be coming out early. Come on kid, gain the lousy 3 pounds already!
6 Weeks left to go.....or 5 not really sure at this point......
I can't really remember much right now, which is crazy. I realized yesterday that I haven't paid a few bills since March. That was a not so fun stressor. On top of that my husband has gotten weirdly protective and possessive, which are two things that he is not. He's usually Mr. Passive Aggressive, but lately he's been like a pit bull ready to tear at anyone who upsets me. I'm usually one to fight my own battles, but I think that pregnancy makes me a whiny bitch. I hope that both aspects of each individual personality fade after our son gets here. I miss my laid back husband, and I miss being able to have confrontations without crying. That's more than likely the cause of all his testosterone-fused anger lately. I cry. At everything. For example my mother and I get into heated battles all the time. It's been happening since I was a teenager. She blames hormones, I blame bitchiness, and eventually it cools off. Now he feels like he has to bat for me, which I appreciate because she is not the easiest of people to get along with all the time. I finally asked him if he hated her or disliked her due to how angry he was getting. His response "No I don't hate her. She frustrates the hell out of me. She's a nice lady, has good values. Hell, most of the time I really respect the fuck out of her. But she's making you cry, and I don't like it." And so the mother in law/son in law battle has finally hit. Which neither really care that it's stressing me out. When I'm not pregnant they have a great relationship, joke around, hang out. But now it feels like war. I'm hoping this goes away once Nicholas arrives, but realistically I think it's just going to get worse. Oh well, as Phil said the other night "At least I had 5 years of peace with your mom before it fell apart". Hurts me though since they are both such huge parts of my life.
The other news is that I have a giant baby growing. He's already almost 6 pounds with a little over 5 weeks left to go. The dr told me at my last appointment if he gets to 9 pounds I better think about how I want him to come cause he'll be coming out early. Come on kid, gain the lousy 3 pounds already!
6 Weeks left to go.....or 5 not really sure at this point......
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