38 Weeks, 3 days - 3 DAYS LEFT!!!!

This is my last blog post until the big day! I can't believe how fast the whole pregnancy has gone by. It seemed to drag, but at the same time speed by. My last appointment with my Dr. he scheduled me to be admitted into the hospital Sunday at 3 pm to be induced since the baby is rather large, and there's concern about him getting too big to come on his own. So here we are, three days away and I'm starting to feel strange things.

First and foremost - I don't want to share. Selfish I know. I don't want to share with my husband, my mom, my in-laws, anyone. I want this baby all to myself. I've had him for 9 months exclusively and I am just not ready to give that up. I'm sure that'll change at 3 am when he needs a change and/or feeding, but for now, he's mine and I don't want anyone to play with him. 

Secondly - Am I ready for this? I am so unprepared! 

and Finally - What am I supposed to do with him while he's here? I've never really actually been around a newborn. Usually most babies I come into contact with are a few months old. This one is mine, and brand new, and he scares the crap out of me. 

I always figured, with all my fertility "issues" that I would end up adopting. And I wanted to adopt a toddler, the fun age. Babies are intimidating.  Last night the butterflies started. I was lying there, listening to Phil snore, feeling Nicholas kick a little and started feeling nervous and ready to cry. I am a basket case!

We've been working on the final touches of babydom. Washing his clothes, picking out coming home outfits, cleaning bedding and putting the crib spring in upside down (my fault I thought it was sitting too low without the mattress). The more I look around the more I think, "There's so much to do!" however my back and giant, swollen feet are not allowing any amnesty. It'll be nice to have my body back as my own. To be able to sleep on my stomach and back and get off the couch easily, roll over with ease. Just be able to be a mobile person. I'm not looking forward to having to lose all the weight I've gained. I feel gross and the scale just depresses me. I'm hoping I can lose it quickly and safely, although I have been advised no dieting while breastfeeding. Stupid rule. But healthy for the little guy. All I know is no potatoes, sweets or sodas after the little man gets here. Mama can't afford another new wardrobe!

3 Days till the light at the end of the tunnel. Next stop: The Parenthood Chronicles - The First Year! 

37 Weeks and 1 Day!!

Less than 2 weeks left to go! The Dr's have said that they will be taking Nicholas out no later than 39 weeks! Maybe even as early as 38. I'm so ready. I'm plagued by a million feelings though. Nervousness- a given. But more than that all of a sudden I am wondering if I really want and am ready for this. Of course I WANT him, but I'm terrified at the new responsibility and realization that my life is indeed changed. I can't go spur of the moment to LA to hit Disneyland for the day, or decide at 10 pm that I want to go to the nearest PT's and play pool while drowning a few lemon drops. There's going to be a little person that is going to take up all my thoughts and time. Of course then I start wondering if I'm too selfish to be a parent? All I can think about is what I'm giving up....what about what I'm getting in return? As I've said, I have a myriad of emotions that are creeping up these last couple weeks and I am starting to doubt myself. Hopefully it's just stage fright and it'll pass once the curtains rise (legs spread).
I am really looking forward to getting some semblance of life back. Like the ability to get off my bed in a dignified way, and stand up like I'm not about to drop something. Oh and not to mention all the other small things: less heartburn, sleeping on my back and stomach, breathing..... Pregnancy is seriously no joke. I miss my ankles. I look down and just think "Meg Griffin" and shudder. I spent a good amount of time starving myself on HCG, enduring injections daily, and feeling exhausted just to lose 70 pounds, and I feel like I've gotten all of it back. I'm ravenous constantly and Lord knows, I never want a freakin salad. I want hot dogs, and fried foods and ice cream. And more ice cream. And sometimes just a pint of ice cream. I've tried to be good. I really have but I can't win all my internal battles, so this past weekend my brother asked if we lived in a snack bar since dinner for two nights were hot dogs, french fries and nachos. I'm ashamed that I just wrote that!
Oh well! 1 week 6 days left!!! (hopefully......)

34 Weeks (or close to 35....)

I'm getting so close I can taste it. At this point I don't care how he gets out, I'm just ready for him to make his exit out of me/entrance into the world. I feel grumpy, hungry, irritable, and I'm in constant pain. I'm so done being pregnant. Between Nicholas keeping his head on my pubic bone for the last 3 weeks and my interstitial cystitis killing me I feel like someone has jammed a hunting knife in my girly parts. Then of course all the great other aches and pains, back & legs. My tolerance level is waning.
 I can't really remember much right now, which is crazy. I realized yesterday that I haven't paid a few bills since March. That was a not so fun stressor. On top of that my husband has gotten weirdly protective and possessive, which are two things that he is not. He's usually Mr. Passive Aggressive, but lately he's been like a pit bull ready to tear at anyone who upsets me. I'm usually one to fight my own battles, but I think that pregnancy makes me a whiny bitch. I hope that both aspects of each individual personality fade after our son gets here. I miss my laid back husband, and I miss being able to have confrontations without crying. That's more than likely the cause of all his testosterone-fused anger lately. I cry. At everything. For example my mother and I get into heated battles all the time. It's been happening since I was a teenager. She blames hormones, I blame bitchiness, and eventually it cools off.  Now he feels like he has to bat for me, which I appreciate because she is not the easiest of people to get along with all the time. I finally asked him if he hated her or disliked her due to how angry he was getting. His response "No I don't hate her. She frustrates the hell out of me. She's a nice lady, has good values. Hell, most of the time I really respect the fuck out of her. But she's making you cry, and I don't like it." And so the mother in law/son in law battle has finally hit. Which neither really care that it's stressing me out. When I'm not pregnant they have a great relationship, joke around, hang out. But now it feels like war. I'm hoping this goes away once Nicholas arrives, but realistically I think it's just going to get worse. Oh well, as Phil said the other night "At least I had 5 years of peace with your mom before it fell apart". Hurts me though since they are both such huge parts of my life.
The other news is that I have a giant baby growing. He's already almost 6 pounds with a little over 5 weeks left to go. The dr told me at my last appointment if he gets to 9 pounds I better think about how I want him to come cause he'll be coming out early. Come on kid, gain the lousy 3 pounds already!

6 Weeks left to go.....or 5 not really sure at this point......

32 Weeks!

Time is flying by. I'm getting so excited that I can't sleep at night...oh who am I kidding, between the frequent peeing, hip aches and Phil's snoring, sleep has been allusive anyway. This morning was very sweet though. He woke up to snuggle and held me and the belly, Nicholas started moving around to get closer to his hand and he asked if we could call out sick and do this all day. I really wanted to say yes, but I kicked his giant butt out of bed, took up my position in the center and caught a few more minutes before he left for work.

This last weekend was my 2nd and final baby shower. This time in California with my family. It was smaller than my one up here but a lot more fun. My mom and Aunt did an amazing job with getting everything put together. My grandma's house was in full baby boy mode. There were a few stressors, like the cake saying "Welcome Baby Nichlos" but we got them fixed. I got to see family that I haven't seen in forever, and had an overall great time. I was feeling huge and tired the whole time, but it was worth it.

Last Week at my 31 week appointment the Dr. said I was measuring at 32 weeks, I'm hoping that means the baby will come a week earlier. He said that he can come as early as 7 weeks (6 now!) so I'm being hopeful. Not to mention negotiating quite frequently with my little man for him to stay in until my mom gets back from Hawaii but not too long after that. We shall see though. Now that my showers are over with I have to get his room organized and all of his gear put away. He has more clothes than either Phil and I combined!

We also went on the tour of the hospital. The transformer bed, as Phil called it, was a bit terrifying, but otherwise all looked inviting. We have our childbirth class on June 16th, so that should be fun. We are now in triple digits weather wise so it's almost time for me to move into my pool ;). As I said at the beginning of my post, time is flying. But I'm grateful, can't wait for our little man to arrive <3.

7 Weeks (Maybe even 6!) to gooooooooooo!

29 Weeks, 6 Days...

So after tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks....10 weeks before my due date and my little guy makes his debut. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaked out. Every day I imagine how the whole labor thing will play out. I understand that women have been doing this for thousands of years and it's what my body is made for, however I've never done this and when my pregnancy app on my phone is telling me that he'll be comparable to the size of a watermelon on delivery, well my special spot gets very nervous. I mean come on, as I've never had anything that size near it ever (despite the fact that I'm married to a giant he is in no way close to being the size of a freaking watermelon) it's a terrifying and daunting thing to think about. Plus, I really don't like the fact that people will be seeing everything I have all laid out. I can barely see what I'm doing to shave and clean it all up, I'm sure it'll be a jungle by the time the baby is born. Sorry I should have prefaced this post with a giant "TMI will be given!" but I'm already writing and I don't feel like moving the cursor back to warn the people that are probably puking in their mouths right now. Anywho so that is my constant thought and fear.
I had to stop taking the sleeping pills. As it turned out they were making my anxiety worse. So much so that I started falling into depression. The Dr wanted to put me on anti-depressants, to which I read up on and realized that it made me way too nervous imagining exposing my unborn child to anything more. I stopped taking the sleeping pills, which weren't really helping anyway, and within two days felt (somewhat) normal. Now I just feel tired and crappy all the time, but I'm not crying over everything and refusing to get off the couch. Yesterday I woke up at 4 am, by the time I was supposed to be getting ready for work I had an upset stomach, dizzy spells and a migraine coming on. I didn't end up going in, which bugs me because I end up sitting in my recliner all day staring off into space because I can't, you guessed it, sleep. My previous post about feeling like Christina Bale is still holding true.
Nicholas is moving constantly, so I know he's feeling pretty good. Phil has been playing with him by poking him until he moves in retaliation. It's fun for them, but killing my bladder. I know he's getting anxious to meet our little one. We all are. But we're almost there, just gotta stay patient just a little more!
10 weeks to go!!

28 Weeks! Yabba Dabba Doooooooo

Here I am at the third trimester and man are things starting to heat up - literally. My feet are almost a full size bigger than normal, I've developed cankles, my back is killing me, and Oi! The temperature is inching closer to the dreaded 100's. My anxiety and insomnia are also worse than normal. I'm starting to feel like Christian Bale in The Machinist. My doctor has prescribed me sleeping pills, but unfortunately they only knock me out for about an hour or two and then the anxiety attacks start. I feel like most days I'm walking around in a dream. The only comfort I really feel is when the baby is active and kicking, then I feel even though I'm losing my damn mind he's still where he needs to be. Ahhhhh pregnancy!

But enough "Wah wah wah!!" This past weekend was my baby shower. My mom went above and beyond on everything from decorations to food. My friends are amazing and spoiled me so much, I actually got tired just opening my gifts! Now the excitement and nervousness are really kicking in. He has clothes and diapers and bibs and binkies! Bath tubs and walkers and gyms and blankies! That felt like a Dr. Seuss moment. It was wonderful and hectic. Chaotic and sweet. My mom really is so awesome. Now to figure out where to put all of his newly acquired clothes and baby things. 

So in a nutshell, I think I'm close or in what they call the home stretch! I just need to relax and sleep a little bit before my little man arrives and away my opportunity for shut eye ;).

12 Weeks to Gooooooooooooo!

26 Weeks and 3 days!

One thing that I've lightly touched on, but never really talked about is what a miracle this whole pregnancy has been. At around 20 or 21 I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The only thing I really understood about it was this was why I had strange periods, and how I managed to grow more hair on my face than my 15 year old brother. I was sent to different specialists, all asking if I was trying to have a baby. At that age I was single and not even remotely interested in being a mom. That was something for the future. For the next several years I didn't think much about the condition other than the implications that I might not have kids. Since I figured I'd be perpetually alone, I dealt with it.

When I met Phil I decided to look into how bad my pcos actually was. I went to a fertility doctor who ran a myriad of tests on me. In the end he told me I had 2 years of active eggs left. My PCOS caused me not to ovulate and the eggs I was ovulating were getting killed by endometriosis. I was informed that I would not be able to get pregnant on my own, and that my body was going to be going into an early menopause.....not the news I was expecting. I was only 27 and menopause was something women in their late 40's got. The Dr recommended egg harvesting, with my husband's (boyfriend of 6 months) sperm. My insurance denied the request, and I figured they had their reasons and I wasn't about to fight it since I was single and just barely dating someone who may or may not be the one.

Finally after Phil and I were married and had been trying for a year I decided to try the whole fertility thing again. That was when I found out I was pregnant the first time, December 2010, but sadly I lost the pregnancy after about 5 days. I followed the doctors advice to the letter in order to try again. No intercourse for 6 weeks and birth control for 3 full cycles. By May we were ready because it had taken almost 2 months for the pregnancy to completely leave my system. I stayed on birth control longer because I was doing Fiddler on the Roof and didn't want to get pregnant during the run. After the show ended, my insurance did too so the $75 for birth control was not shelled out. I figured I had gotten pregnant by chance last time and if it was meant to happen then it would on it's own. Happily on November 3, 2011 I took a test and got the beautiful PREGNANT.

So here I am, 6 and a half months along, I feel my son kick all the time and I've been assured countless times that he sounds amazing and perfect. It still seems so crazy that I've had this perfectly unremarkable pregnancy. We all expected if it ever happened there would be complications, bed rest....all kinds of nightmares. I'm so happy that there hasn't been.

14 Weeks to go!